Conversation Café

Frequently asked questions...with answers!

1. As a host, what are my responsibilities?

Hosts welcome and orient people to the Conversation Café process. A good host is a cross between a flight attendant, a coach, a mother, an old philosopher and an innocent child.

Hosting is as simple as following instructions on a cake mix and as complex as making all guests comfortable at a dinner party. Hosts are NOT therapists, NOT shining examples, and NOT impartial facilitators. They are simply the steady, welcoming presence that allows a great conversation to happen.

2. What do I need to do to become a host?

That's the easy part. First, email our Conversation Café administrator saying that you're interested in becoming a host. After that you'll be directed to read the basic process and agreements. After reading it, you'll be asked to sign a pledge of commitment to follow the process and agreements and register as a host. After that, you should read the host manual. Additionally, we ask every host to participate in a tele-conference training: So sign up for the next available training as soon as you finish your reading.

While every new host is expected to participate in a tele-conference training, they're usually only scheduled quarterly, so to get you started as soon as possible, you could watch the training video from the website, and then participate in the next scheduled tele-conference training.

It's also available for viewing on YouTube. Go to YouTube and search for Conversation Café. Once you have completed the training, simply email our CC administrator and submit your CC schedule so it can be added to the website, and you are ready to have your first CC!

We also highly recommend that you join our online community.

After you have your first CC, let CC Central know how it's going!

3. What information do I need to put my CC schedule on the website?

This is what we need:

• Your name
• Your address
• Your telephone number
• Your email address
• The point of contact person for your CC
• The POC's email address and/or telephone number
• The location name for your CC
• The address and telephone number of your CC location
• The days and times your CC will meet

4. What if I have a question?

If you have a concern or question, please feel free to email our CC administrator. Additionally, you'll be assigned a mentor upon request who will help guide you through those initial CC meetings.

5. How can I promote my CC?

Best methods include: Send emails with a request to forward to all your friends and associates. Post flyers (markets, libraries, cafés). Get on local calendars (email, newsletters, newspapers). Phone calls! We have a number of promotional items that you can download off the website. You can download just about everything you need to help start or publicize your Café at the website. You can modify MS Word documents to fit your own needs, but you may not see the formatting exactly as it was intended if you don't have the necessary fonts. PDF documents (requires Adobe Acrobat Reader ) cannot be modified, but the fonts are embedded and the page should look as it was intended. You'll also find a lot of ideas from long term host, Kat Gjovik in her website article on promoting your CC.

6.  Are there CC resources available in other languages?

We have a few documents that have been translated into other languages. We have a limited number of resources in Hebrew, Japanese and Spanish on our website. If you don't find what you need, please check back periodically as we'll be adding more resources as they become available. You can also email the CC Administrator, so that we know what your needs are. (and please send in any you create!)

7.  Why do I need to use a talking object?

The talking object is a deceptively simple yet powerful tool for transformation.    It creates the space for deep reflection as it creates the capacity to hold the floor in silence, without concern or possibility of interruption.  It invites deep listening from the rest of the circle which in turn invites a higher quality and greater depth of expression, yielding new levels of thoughtfulness and wisdom.  Further, it is a powerful tool for creating equality:  Everyone in the circle (which in itself is a powerful tool/symbol of non-hierarchy) has an equal voice, an equal turn.  This is the essential expression of democracy.  It equalizes power differences that arise from rank, class, ethnicity, age, gender, as well as personality and communication styles. 

So if you find yourself or your circle tempted to dispense with the talking object? Please resist!  It is a key element in the shift into Big, Deep Talk, beyond our typical conversations.

(note:  We refer to a talking object rather than a talking stick : In Native American traditions the talking stick is a sacred object, and we want to honor that as we may not handle and hold it with proper reverence, nor use it in the way their spiritual practices require.)

8.  How do I come up with questions?

Powerful questions are at the heart of Conversation Cafés. The key is to develop a question that calls for reflection and personal sharing and avoids embedded assumptions. You'll find a variety of questions that have been used by CC hosts and CC partners in the past available on our website. You are welcome to use them as is or let them inspire you to come up with your own questions.

Susan Partnow also provides some examples of great questions and some pitfalls to avoid in her article "The Art of Framing Questions". You might also want to read the article about developing questions written by long time host Larry Gaffin or look over his own tried and true topics available on our website.

We also have an invaluable resource of successful questions from long term host Jim Rough, John Hartmann, Kat Gjovik, and a variety of other hosts. A group of questions were also created to help folks develop a healthy dialogue following the tragedy of Sept. 11.

We gathered a fabulous set of questions for Conversation Week 2007 and Conversation Week 2003.

Many of our hosts also share their questions and reflections from their CCs as part of the CC Community. Our Online Community is an excellent resource for asking questions and finding answers.

9.  How can I guide the conversation so that it becomes more meaningful?

On the back of our wallet cards (so they'll always be handy), you'll find a list of questions that will help your discussion to go deeper.

They are:

• What happened that led you to this point of view?
• How does this affect you personally?
• I'm curious; can you say more about that?
• Here's what I heard..is that what you meant?
  

You might also be interested in reading the CC newsletter written by Vicki Robin, in which she talks about how these questions can help save any conversation

.
Also, in the Host Manual the section called Helpful Conversation Assists you'll find this list:

• "Can you say that in another way?"
• "Am I correct in understanding you to be saying...?"
• (after verifying your understanding of a person's ideas or feelings ) "I'd like to offer another point of view."
• "I'm having some strong feelings here that come out of my need/belief/value around..."
• ( if someone has been silent ) "I'm wondering if you have some thoughts or feelings about what you've been hearing?"
• (if someone's response indicates that they didn't understand you) "Would you be willing to tell me what you heard me say?"
• "If what you are proposing came to pass, how would things be different?"
• How do I keep my ideas and deeply help beliefs from overpowering the conversation?

CC hosts are typically very passionate about issues they care about, and that passion is what often drives them to become a host. However overpowering or influencing the conversation is something that is wise to be concerned about: As host, our voice and views will be heard 'louder' than others. The best strategy is to cultivate awareness and to monitor ourselves. You may want to read more about this in Susan Partnow's article, "Inquiry, not Persuasion"

10.  How do I handle participants that LIKE to talk?

The most important strategy to keep a participant from monopolizing the conversation is prevention: The CC Process and Agreements provide the essential elements, i.e. open-mindededness (listening) and brevity.. Be sure to read the Process and Agreements before each CC session, emphasizing the purpose of each. Another strategy would be to use a handle signal (a gentle 'palm out' to the person) to suggest that the speaker wind down. Occasionally a direct approach might be needed, reminding the speaker of the agreements to share the time and that a great deal of the time spent at a CC is for listening. The key is to suspend judgment of both yourself and others. Part of your job as host is to make sure everyone is able to enjoy the conversation. Please read more about this in Susan Partnow's response to another CC host's query about the same concern: .

11.  Why is it necessary to state the CC Agreements before each session when there are no newcomers?

Reviewing the agreements each time and renewing each person's commitment to them is an important way to make the shift from 'small talk' to 'Big Talk' for each and every conversation.  They serve as a reminder and help the group make the transition from our usual chatter to the more reflective pace, tone and intention of the Conversation Café dialogue.

12.  Why do we need two rounds for the CC process?

Each round brings the group more deeply into a dialogic space - a different way of listening and relating than our usual conversational style.  The rounds help us "slow down to the speed of wisdom."  The first round allows people to present what they already think about a topic. By the second round, however, everyone will have heard a variety of new ideas and will have new, deeper or different thoughts to express in their second round. Conversation Cafés allow us to think fresh thoughts, to discover other perspectives, to have exciting insights. Round two gets us in that space of openness and creativity - and helps bring the conversation to new and unexpected places.

13.  How much time should I devote to the reflection before the final round?

There is no set time - follow what feels comfortable to you (probably 30 seconds to two minutes).  Some people may want to write some notes during this time.

14.  What is the purpose of the final round? Can it be omitted if we're starting to go over the recommended 90 minutes?

The final round brings a powerful sense of closure to the conversation and group's connection, which is a vital part of the process.  It also helps us learn the practice of reflection - an important skill for cultivating more depth and meaning to our communication.  Be sure to signal the group about 10 minutes before your ending time that there are just 5 minutes left. and then you'll all feel ready to save those last 5 minutes for the final round.

15.  What happens after a Conversation Café?

During the Conversation Café we don't seek to achieve agreement, drive to shared conclusions, organize the group to take action together or promote our projects, our products or ourselves. This gives us freedom - nothing to read before, to deliberate, to conclude, to do. After the final round, however, people are free to exchange flyers for events, business cards, invitations or ideas for future actions that some might enjoy. None of this impacts your next Conversation Café, however, which will simply be another opportunity to freely explore themes around the times we are living through.